


Can't Fix What Isn't Broken

by orphan_account



Category: I Didn't Do It (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Child Abuse, Comfort/Angst, Demisexuality, Developing Relationship, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Friendship/Love, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Male-Female Friendship, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Sexual Confusion, Stereotypes, Teen Angst, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 07:17:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4737536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lindy can't sleep because she's thinking about how Garrett was attacked by both his mom and Logan for being happy for once. Garrett can't sleep because he knows what everyone assumes about him. Set after Lindy Breaks Garrett.</p><p>Features potentially demisexual as well as OCD Garrett with themes of navigating orientation labels, stereotypes and understanding of oneself. Includes references to homophobia (intentional and potentially internalized), mental disorder stigmas, and emotional/verbal abuse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Fix What Isn't Broken

Lindy tossed and turned, but sleep was a phantom. Her mind was too occupied with revisiting the night's events. She could still see the way her brother had abused their friend; she understood his frustration and fears of his friend turning into somebody different overnight, but the more she considered it the more it made her stomach turn. Garrett, no matter how strange he'd been acting, hadn't deserved Logan's aggressive attempts to make him 'normal' again.

Then there was Garrett's mother. She shivered at the thought. Garrett had been a wall of acceptance when Logan had tried to 'fix him' - taking Logan's confusion in stride like a good friend. But then briefly alone with his mother and he closed in on himself all over again. She wasn't sure what churned her insides the most: that Garrett's mother could do that to her son, that Logan preferred their friend when weighed down by emotional abuse (because as she thought more about it, the warning signs were all there), or that she herself had mostly just ignored it in the end.

Is that what they were going to do as Garrett's friends? Were they just going to pretend that he wasn't hurting and that maybe the weirdness hadn't been akin to a kid tasting candy for the first time after never being allowed to have it?

Was that the kind of friend _she_ was going to be?

She was a meddler. They all told her that. She was a one-upper and a do-gooder and all of those titles that, frankly, she thought sometimes might be code for: "Hey, Lindy, you're a caring, idealistic person and that threatens me!"

She sighed and rolled over onto her back. She stared at the ceiling, the light from her window casting shadows on it. It took another three minutes of going over the possible outcomes in her head of what might happen if she tried to interfere before deciding maybe she should wait until morning to see how Garrett was doing before jumping the gun like she often did. That, however, didn't mean sleep was going to come any time soon.

Giving up her efforts she put on her robe and trudged down to the basement to see if Logan and Garrett were still awake; Garrett had asked to stay over so she knew he at least definitely hadn't wanted to go home under the circumstances. When she reached the basement door she stopped at the top of the stairwell, confronted with a new choice. 

Logan was asleep, sprawled out on the couch with his game controller hanging from his hand and the light of the paused game washing over the otherwise darkened room. She wondered why they hadn't just turned off the game for the night, but the thought was short lived when her eyes landed on Garrett. He was wide awake in the chair closest to the door, looking a bit like a zombie as he stared at the deflated air-bat that Logan had beat him with earlier.

Her heart fell into her stomach and she made her choice. She slowly walked down the stairs and sat on the bottom landing. Lindy wasn't even sure if Garrett knew she was there, but she remained silent and unobtrusive for the time being.

"It hurts more now than it did then," he said, breaking the silence first and she knitted her brow. "When everything was... When I was acting weird I guess, it was okay. I didn't care if he needed to let go a little, you know? He's my friend and I know what it feels like to... Well, you've felt my muscles. I just wanted him to feel better like I felt better. But maybe I was fooling myself and it wasn't really better. I don't think I could handle losing my friends just because--"

"Stop, Garrett." She finally couldn't take it any longer. He wasn't usually this unguarded and it was worse than when he'd been spouting all of his feelings superfluously and happily. This was real, raw, painful. "Don't do that to yourself."

He looked at her. "Do what?"

Her mouth fell open slightly as she realized she didn't have the answer to that, or maybe the answer wasn't pretty. She was asking him to put all of those feelings back where they'd come from, just like Logan or maybe his mother, and pretend they weren't there. But they were still there; they'd always been there. He deserved to talk about them even if his conclusions were ugly.

"I guess I don't know." She shrugged and shook her head. "Maybe what I mean is I want you to be happy."

To her surprise, he smiled softly in the dimly lit room. "You always want people to be happy. I know that's why you made me get the massage."

"But you're not happy," she stated, feeling a little like Captain Obvious.

His smile turned down. He was silent for a minute, turning his head away from her. "I don't know if that's exactly true," he finally offered, sighing a little. "I've just gotten used to different kinds of happiness maybe. Logan was right. What I was doing was weird. It was..." His sentence trailed for long enough that Lindy felt uneasy. "Too happy."

He sounded defeated, resigned and the red flags that should have always been there turned into flashing neon lights in Lindy's head. Her eyes widened and she looked over at Logan and then back again. "Hey, you want to go upstairs? I'm feeling a little midnight snacky."

He furrowed his brow and tilted his head toward the clock. "It's 2 a.m."

"Which is totally the new midnight," she played it off nonchalantly.

She saw his gaze flicker over to Logan as well and a look of understanding pass over him. He set aside the inflatable bat and stood to his feet. Before she could move, he was already standing over her and offering her a hand up like a perfectly groomed... She didn't finish that thought, merely took the hand with a legitimately grateful smile. They moved upstairs to the kitchen. They were silent as she filled a bowl with some grapes and then sat down at the table.

"So what are you going to ask first?" Garrett finally asked while she had the disadvantage of three grapes stuffed into her mouth at once. She nearly choked. "Sorry," he apologized. "You just get used to being blunt when someone finally wants to know."

She swallowed. "Honestly, I was just going to ask if Logan thinks--"

"Thinks?" Garrett looked genuinely taken off guard, eyebrows nearing his hairline and causing stress dimples across his forehead that she had never really noticed before. "Most people just would say knows," he said more softly.

"That's not what I'm asking though," she countered. "I'm just asking if Logan's behavior tonight was because he thinks there's something wrong with you and it makes him uncomfortable."

Garrett grabbed a grape and held onto it for a moment, looking down at it as if considering the question deeply. "Yes, he thinks I'm gay. Yes, he tries to skirt around it and tries to ignore his assumptions which I guess makes him uncomfortable when he thinks I'm acting gay. You realize pretty much everybody thinks I am right?" He then asked, looking at her pointedly.

She shrugged and reached for another few grapes. "I know people think you're gay and you know I don't care if you are. But I know people who think I am because I don't really date a lot. I think Delia and Jasmine are experimenting with each other according to most people in the school. And Logan... well, I think most people think he's just too dumb to know other things exist. But there was that one time we fought over the same boy so..." She let her sentence trail in humor, enjoying the soft chuckle it produced from her friend. "The point is it shouldn't matter and if he's treating you badly because of what he thinks or suspects or even what you've told him, then that's not okay, Garrett. But we can get back to my dense brother. When you say everybody thinks that, you also mean your mom don't you."

She saw his already tense shoulders stiffen even further and briefly wondered how long she would have to hug him to make them deflate. She squashed that thought however. Now wasn't the time for complicating things. Now was the time for helping him if she could.

"It's... It's maybe a little more complicated than that," he admitted earnestly. "You know how strict she is. She's pretty much groomed me like one of her dogs for as long as I can remember. And it's a pretty short leash. So when I act any certain way she doesn't approve of, well, she's not one to mince words. It's not even the gay thing alone. Although there is that. One time the doctor tried to give us a pamphlet about OCD and it was in the trash receptacle before we even made it to the car."

"Oh my god," Lindy looked at him in mortification. "Why haven't you ever said anything before?"

He shrugged and looked down. "It's easier to just deal with it."

She furrowed her brow and studied him. "You mean it's safer?" She took a gamble.

His mouth turned into a hard line before he sighed. "Maybe. Nobody would listen. She doesn't, you know, hit me or anything. It's not like much can be done about the verbal stuff. Or the non-violent threats. Actually, sometimes I wish she would hit me. Maybe it would--"

Lindy's mouth fell open. "Would you say something then?" When he didn't answer, she knew it was because he wasn't sure or maybe he was admitting he wouldn't. Not knowing how else to respond she stood to her feet and moved over to where he sat. He looked up at her in confusion, but she took his face into both of her hands gently hoping he didn't freak out by the contact. "I'm so sorry I've never noticed before. You deserve so much better than that, Garrett." For the second time that night, he surprised her and closed his eyes and leaned into one of her hands.

_Don't complicate things, Lindy. Don't... You don't even know--_

"I'm not, you know," he broke through her thoughts as he slowly opened his eyes. She dropped her hands, but remained standing where she was. "I'm pretty certain I like girls, or prefer them or whatever. Just not in the same way Logan does. I just don't get defensive when people say I'm gay because then they just assume that's why I'm defensive. And it doesn't matter. I'm just not as far as I know. I can't help it I fit some of the stereotypes."

She nodded in understanding to that. It was 2015 and people still assumed there was a one-size fits all 'gaydar' that could be used to determine who fit into a stereotypical orientation. She knew her interest in the monster truck rally would have fueled the gossip about her own sexual identity. Sometimes it was overwhelming not to just tell everyone where they could shove it, because like Garrett said it didn't matter who she was or wasn't interested in based on stereotypes... 

Then it struck her fully what he had said. "Wait, are you... You said you don't like girls the same way Logan does. Are you saying you're asexual?"

He looked thoughtful for a moment and then hitched a shoulder. "I'm not sure. I've done some reading on it, but I can't tell if I'm in the grey area or if it's just my anxiety. I find girls attractive sometimes, but when I think about actually having just a dating relationship, let alone anything else, with them I freak out. I think about all the possible ways it could get weird, how _I'm_ weird, how they might expect things I'm not capable of and... It's complicated. I don't know what I want. Maybe I need therapy first before I can say one way or another."

Lindy considered everything he said and felt her heart quicken and her stomach flutter as a new question formed in her mind and threatened to find its way to the tip of her tongue. Her self-control betrayed her and she blurted, "Are you attracted to me?"

His eyes widened. "I, uh, you... I mean, we..."

She smiled in spite of everything and tried a more tactful approach. "I'm not asking if you're afraid of what it would do to our friendship or if you're afraid of how it would be weird. I'm asking you if you're at all attracted to _me_. As a person or... You know, _as_ _a girl_." She blushed slightly, but was grateful she'd never been overly shy. She smiled again when she realized Garrett was much more flushed than she was.

Finally he swallowed hard and nodded once. "I'm sorry," he then said in a strangled tone. "I didn't mean for it to happen. I just... One day the thought of being with you was as nonexistent as it was with everyone else. Then the next..." His sentence trailed and he ducked his head.

"Funny. It was kind of the same way for me." She bit down a laugh when his head shot back up. "Minus the nonexistent thoughts about other people," she added honestly. "I had those. But I can't say they've ever been really prominent either. Sometimes it just clicks and then other times it doesn't." She shrugged.

"Lind... a-are... Did you..." He cleared his throat. "Are you saying it clicked... with me?" He looked torn between hopeful and scared to death and, honestly, she didn't care what label was necessary to pinpoint the reason, she only knew it was endearing and making her heart beat a little bit faster.

A wide smile bloomed across her face. "Yeah. I think I am," she admitted. "But only if you're interested. I don't want you to freak out."

"I-I-I..." He shook his head, looking determined. "I am. I'm definitely interested. I just... If I freak out it's because I'm _really_ interested, but also like so interested that I'm even more afraid of messing it up. I'm not... Well, there's no need to repeat it."

"Nope. Because I already know what to call you." His forehead creased in confusion. "Garrett. _That's_ who you are to me. And if you're interested in me for who I am then I'm interested in you for who you are. Maybe it won't be what other people call normal and maybe we'll frustrate each other to no-end sometimes like we always do, but I think we can make it work if you want to try. If not, that's okay too." Then she pouted a little. "I mean, I'll have to cry into a pint of double fudge and while away my diary pining for you, but, you know." Her pout then turned upward, playful.

"How about we skip the crying, share the double fudge, and you can while away your diary writing about your very quirky boyfriend with mommy issues?" She saw the way his shoulders deflated and how happy he actually looked as he bantered back, and that told her he meant it.

"I'm so not sharing the double fudge," she answered with a laugh.

He sighed in exaggerated relief. "Okay, that's good. Because honestly I like french vanilla." She quirked an eyebrow. " _And_ mint cookies and cream. I'm not entirely boring, you know."

She started to laugh again, but it died in her throat when he stood up, filling the small space between her and the chair. She looked down at their hands and then back up questioningly. Understanding he laced their fingers together tentatively, as if testing the sensation, and she realized just how much he must be interested if antiseptic gloves weren't even remotely mentioned. She could tell that he wasn't ready to kiss. Honestly, she wasn't even sure if she was. But she did want to hug him, iron out any remaining tension in those shoulders that bore so much secret pain.

"You ready for that hug now?" She asked first.

"I'd like that," he said with a smile and so she wasted no time in wrapping her arms around him.

Her head went to lean against his chest and her right hand moved up to gently cradle the back of his neck, fingers tentatively playing with the hair at the nape. She would have gone on holding him indefinitely, relishing in the simple intimacy of it (so very different from the bad boy allure, but maybe that had just been hormones and stereotypes too she briefly mused), but then there was a cleared throat and they both flinched, pulling apart to see Logan staring at them in bleary eyed confusion.

"Okay, so let me get this straight..." He held out a hand and then moved it to rub his forehead, clearly trying to figure out how to form words. "Wait, so you're straight?" He tilted his head then, looking somewhere between puzzled and uncomfortable.

Lindy opened her mouth to answer, but for her third surprise of the night, Garrett beat her to it. "Nope. I'm Garrett." He smiled down at her and she couldn't fight the smile that she returned.

They could start explaining the intricacies of labels and assumptions and, maybe accidental, phobic behavior to Logan in the morning, when he would maybe have a little more brainpower to understand. In the morning, maybe she would also ask Garrett to start opening up more about his issues at home. But for now, she just liked the way Garrett seemed the right amount of happy that made him comfortable. Also maybe they would go to another monster truck show for their first date; she liked monster trucks.

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to tackle the idea of Garrett being possibly demi and having OCD for a while rather than your stereotypical coded gay character. 
> 
> The discussion of labels is intentionally left open ended and confusing (and potentially controversial as sexuality is abstract and often controversial; e.g. is Garrett really demi if he still prefers girls or has he just not found a boy that meets his demi needs?). They're supposed to be confused and growing as people in spite of outside noise. It was inspired by some excellent label/stereotype papers I read in college (and some of the recent discussions on the 'gaydar myth'). 
> 
> Also the very vaguely hinted at bait and switch with Logan maybe being the one ultimately confused about himself is intentional (and based on how they seem to be working the "insecure in his masculinity/hetero" trope with him in the series).


End file.
